Dutch Art.

I love Dutch art. J'adore it. Always have, always will. I like it perhaps more than anything else I'm teaching this year. Except maybe some impressionism soon and Andy Warhol. I have an unrequited love for Andy Warhol. For some odd reason.

Dutch art can be summed up pretty quickly. Light and scene. And there is Dutch art in a very tiny nut shell.
 There is two major Dutch artists we are going to be studying.

Rembrandt and Vermeer. The big guns.

Rembrandt was obsessed with self portraits. Google 'Rembrandt self portrait' and prepare to gasp. He painted tons of them. They show his evolution as a painter because of their spacing and his differing techniques over time.

Here's Rembrandt as a young man.

Here he is as a old man. 

Please note the lighting. This is a huge stylization that Rembrandt went on make everyone else want to duplicate. Notice how much of the detail of the younger painting is on the rivets of his collar, but when he's old and thoughtful, the emphasis is on his face. 

Vermeer, however, is my favorite. 

                  This is widely considered to be a self-portrait of Vermeer. Please note the striking resemblance to Robert Plant. 

   Vermeer and Rembrandt are both very stylized painters, but they have Dutch-ness, as I like to call it, in common. What the two mostly have in common is lighting and scenes. Dutch scene-ing. Dutch art had a type of realism centuries before neighboring art scenes did. Mostly because the Dutch's patron system worked much differently. While everyone else's patron was the Church, who thought bathing was evil at the time, Dutch patrons were butchers who wanted their shops to look nice. This gave Dutch art realism. Art paid for by the Church didn't tolerate realistic nudes, but the butcher who was giving you money wasn't going to stand for something that looked so different from what it was meant to be. 

     Because of this, Dutch had already created styles within realism when everyone was just figuring out how to depict things as they actually were. Rembrandt, who lived before Vermeer, was at the forefront of this. He created a style that closely mirrors photography. He created scenes for his paintings. 

This is arguably Rembrandt's  most famous painting, the Night Watch. It looks like someone took a photo of it. It looks like off camera everyone kept moving. It doesn't feel staged. It feels like a quick image of a fleeting moment. 

This is Vermeer's The Concert. Looking at it, you think you might be eavesdropping. It seems like a very personal moment that you just caught a quick snap of. 

And that is Dutch art and I love it. We will also see how brave I am and attempt oil painting. I think. 

Fun fact, The Concert, the painting above, had been missing since 1990. It, along with a myriad of other paintings, were stolen from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum. The Concert was the most expensive of the lot, which was totaled at $500 million. The robbery was the single largest property theft in recorded history. There's a reward if you've seen it. 

The Mona Lisa revisited.

For our journey into the Renaissance, we focused on the individual. Leonardo Da Vinci and the impact that he made. Of course, we swayed into Mona Lisa territory. If it's doesn't sound to be too sure of ourselves, we remade the iconic lady. We used our own individualism to individualize the image.

We used that old method of drawing in the lines of a shadow print with pastels, then crumpling the whole things up. For this one, that only had pastel black inside the lines, it made everything else gray. For the most part, I think this one looks the most like Mona Lisa.

You have to admit, she must at least be a less extroverted cousin of the other Lisa. Perhaps a Liza.

Everyone must take note of the bonfire and chains behind this lady. I was informed she was a medieval witch who was going to burn. 

This one was the carnivorous version of the Mona Lisa. Please notice her teeth, which resemble some sort of baddie from Lord Or The Rings.

She also only had one eye that was stitched over. I like to imagine she has a glass eye in the her pocket. Or at least a monocle. I also like to think this exists outside my art class and hangs in some obscure European museum and she comes to life and yells at small children who get too close to art. My student created her doppelganger from memory. Or something. 

Personally, I think the one great fault of the Mona Lisa is her lack of hair accessories. The least Picasso could have done when he was accused of stealing the painting in 1911 was threaten that he gave her a hair thingy, then be like 'dudes, you have the wrong guy. I did not steal her.' That's what I would have done. 

This one looks like it could actually be my student's head. Such realism! The Renaissance was very much about getting rid of those medieval standards of the human form.

When I saw this one in art class, it reminded me of a map. Like Lisa's hair is the ocean and the background is land. Now that I look at it, it reminds me of a camouflaged ninja. It's the eyes. 

I was told this one was made to most resemble the original. I think the way the colors are blended it probably is the closest. It also reminds me of camouflage, but in the way as if the Florentine lady were to go deer hunting. I can just see her with a flowing rob in a deer stand going, 'we're having venison tonight!' Don't lie. You can see it too. 

This was our mermaid Mona Lisa. Personally, I feel this mermaid would at least give Ariel feel inferior. Ariel might even develop an eating disorder from pure envy of Mona's ravishing hair. And that hair clip, way better than a dingle-hopper. Dingle-who? No one cares, Ariel. 

We don't have to generate that much sympathy for Ariel though. I mean really. Her bustier was totally a copy of Madonna's. Even Lady Gaga hasn't attempted that sort of imitation. Plus, all that stuff she constantly put in that cave of hers. She must be some type of mermaid hoarder. 

Or perhaps a cultural anthropologist. If that's true, I hope she beats her eating disorder and gets some legs so she walk her way into a college and get an education. She'd totally get financial aid since she lives underwater and all. Then again, her father is like King of the Ocean and all...

The Renaissance

I love the Renaissance, but sadly I will not have time to tell all my students about it in a four hour lecture. A four hour lecture is really the only way to go. You can't do it in fifteen minutes. It's the Renaissance!

But I'm going to have to try for the sake of our art project. Which I'm still sort of figuring out. I think it's going to look something like this;

I think.

The Renaissance was a cultural movement during the 1500s that touched upon philosophy, politics, science, religion, literature, and art. All of these saw a rebirth, a rethinking, a re-seeing in the way people dealt with them. The common denominator with all these new ways of seeing was the individual. 

Before the Renaissance, Europe worked under the Feudal System. That is basically the modern day Caste System in India. You are born in a group,. You stay in that group. Your name is not important. Your group is important. You cannot get into another group. You stay in the group you are. That is important. 

Labels suck. No one wants a label. 

The Renaissance gave rise to the individual. The individual was not more important than the background and the group. The individual could now change the world all on his own. In short, this strand of humanism gave rise to each of the revivals the Renaissance was responsible for. 

So, because I can't talk forever, (which is a tragedy) because I can't do that, I must sum up all of of my four hour lecture in fifteen minutes so everyone has enough time. What better way then to do it how the Renissance taught us. With an individual.

Meet Leonardo Da Vinci

The Renaisssance Man. 

Leonardo Da Vinci sums up pretty much everything the Renaissance is about. Da Vinci is the embodiment of the Renaissance. I can teach everything for him. 

Wikipedia, the most accurate source on the internet, says Leonardo Da Vinci was 'an Italian Renaissance polymath: painter, sculptor, architect, musician, scientist,mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, geologist, cartographer, botanist and writer whose genius, perhaps more than that of any other figure, epitomized the Renaissance humanist ideal.'

I think I can do it. I think we can all get it. I might even stick up my manifesto of the Renaissance on here anyways, so everyone can see it. We shall see...

Successful Class

Yay! Points for Sarah. We had finished art work. This is awesome. No seriously, the art itself is awesome. And the majority of it was finished on time. Even if it had only been one picture, I would had patted myself on the back after the our classroom escapade into the Byzantine Empire. But we actually FINISHED multiple pieces of art. I am so proud of myself, mostly because I shut up and let the painting outweigh the talking. And I'm proud of my students also, who constructed such gorgeous drawings in a mere half hour.


With out further ado, my students lovely art:

While this may be a little hard to make out in a photograph, you have to try to see the beautiful ray of light hitting the middle cross. 

Or this one which was ingenious. It took me a little bit to guess it's depiction, but guess I had to. It's Moses on the nile getting adopted by an Egyptian Princess. 

A very curious Egyptian Princess. 

While the only requirement for our art work this class was 'a piece of art about religion invoking an emotion,' not everyone went straight for Christianity. In fact, a few students went for Greek Mythology. This is Zeus' throne room, complete with a bucket of lighting bolts next to his chair. 

 Or Persephone and Hades. Because the Lord of the Underworld and his kidnapped Bride (who's mother is so busy morning she forgets to send spring), is the perfect image to invoke the emotion of.... fear? 

Although, Hades is looking rather dreamy in this version. Persephone doesn't necessarily look heartbroken to have to live in the Underworld with that dude.

This is the wall of Jericho. The burst of light is either the Lord crashing the wall, or sound waves from a trumpet solo. I cannot for the life of me remember which my student said it was supposed to be. But it sure does invoke a feeling of awe.

This is the parting of the Red Sea. Everyone notice the pastel/watercolor effect of the waves. 

Look how happy that little Hebrew is to have a dry spot to walk on. 

Check out these two. Both of them depict creations,
but in the most gorgeous way possible

But I don't need to write captions for them, they come with their own captions. 

And...

Art with captions, everyone

Religious Art: or how to teach it.

Or attempt to teach it. Or whatever.

Last week, while incomplete, we did create and learn about a form of religious art; icons. Obviously, we can't do that again. Because it would be boring. It would be repetitive. So, how to teach religious art again in a different way.

What have I been teaching my kids? Or attempting to teach them? The motivation of art, of course! Eureka! It's the entire class in four words. Let's shorten it! MOTIVATION.


Awesome, now that we have that figured out, now that we are putting in to practice what I'm actually teaching, we can move on to how to actually do it.


Motivation can be defined as the general willingness or desire for something to do something. The motivation behind religious art is quite simply to inspire one about religion. To suddenly have the profound emotional effect on one concerning religion.

This to me is the very definition of religious art:

When I first say this picture, it grabbed me. It was in a hallway with tons of other art. In no way was it actually on display. I walked one step in front of it and turned right around. Then I stared at it. Never before had a piece of art work truly effected me like this did. It was like a punch in the gut, but not in a painful way. I had to blink back tears a little bit. It that impacting. I really don't think you can just look at this picture once and feel nothing, even if you have no religious background. It's has the ability to create an emotional impact in a split second. That to me is what all religious art, and all art in general, aspires to be. 

This is going to be the emphasis of our art class this week. How art can just sucker punch you in the tear ducts. How art can just grab your emotions just by showing you an image. Not just religious art does this, but all art. All art tries to grab you and get a profound emotional response. 

This does it:

This does it too:

This really does it:

They ALL make you stop and stare and feel. That is art. Religious art just wants to do it where religion is concerned. That is all I want to teach this class. The motivation of art in a few simple sentences. 

Other things I will be doing this class:

1. Not be making a craft of my own to help students have an idea of what we're doing. I'm just going to throw some art supplies at them. Not literally, mind you. That's violent. 
2. Not talk so much. Aspire to minimalism. 
3. Remember that my pet peeve is sending children home with wet glue.
4. Allow children way too much time than necessary so they do not feel rushed and because it is very fun to talk to the person next to you. 

Use Your Imagination

In art classes, you always need to follow your imagination. But you're really going to have to use it now. Because the glue was evil and didn't dry so EVERYTHING is unfinished. Use your imagination and pretend there is gold paint over the undried glue will you. Humor the art teacher.

This is a Byzantine icon. It is in a museum.

This is my icon. It was acquired at a garage sale. 

This is our craft. It was modeled after both. 

It's pretty neat, if I do say so myself. It is based on the ingenious concept of drawing a picture with glue, then painting over it to reveal a patter underneath. This works best when using nice, sweet glue. Not the evil, Nazi glue my class got stuck with. That glue will not dry no matter what. It is very bad and not nice at all. So you'll have to use your imagination to see what the gold paint everyone was sent home with in dixie cups would look like spread over their glued cardboard. 

Also, since real icons are made for the images of saints, we did the same. We used 'Saint Trader Cards.' They are sort of like pokemon cards, but with saints on them. I bought them at a religious bookstore. I did not expect them to be as strange as they were. I thought they would look like actual saints, not strange saints being engulfed in flames like the saint card I used for my example. Some of them were downright violent also. Like the one depicting Thomas Beckett being beheaded. Everyone wanted that card. I have no idea why. 

It may take some looking, but that is in fact Saint Thomas of London getting his head cut off.

I believe this was Saint George. I think he also slayed a dragon. 

What artistic glue swirls! 

Hmm, don't know which Saint this is, but he is fantastically framed by my student. 

This one was Saint Rita. I recall that everyone thought this was a bum card because it looked 'boring.' On further inspection (reading the back) we found out that Rita is saint of the impossible. Which is totally cool. The impossible made this a much in demand trading card after that. Everyone notice the doves next to Rita. Sure makes her look saintly. 

I don't remember what saint this is, but this card might have been one of my favorites. Truth be told, this was the top card in the box and what I hoped the rest of them looked like. I was disappointed. Thank goodness my disappointment was fixed with the lovely creation of this icon. Look at that creativity!

This one would have turned out great had the glue been cooperative. But you know what, I think it's still great all on its own.

This, personally, is my favorite saint. I've always had a soft spot for Saint Joan of Arc. She also has the most sweeping saint card. And she's so well framed by my student's artistry!

There were enough saint trader cards for everyone to get two. This student had the ingenious idea that instead of using one and bringing the other home, maybe she's just make a DOUBLE icon. She's so

 bright.

Look at that! It's like a maze frame. So cool. I love this one. 

Actually, I love them all. Each and everyone. Even if I didn't get to see any of them finished. They are all still great. 

Teacher in Training.

I wish to be this teacher:

But the truth is, that I'm not always that teacher.

 No, I am not Zooey Deschanel singing happy songs. I cannot even play the piano. I'm not even a music teacher. I'm an art teacher. I am not from a movie. Which is a good thing, because a kid dies in this movie. If I just ruined the climax of The Bridge to Terabithia for you, I won't apologize either. Because if you are over twelve and have not read that book than your childhood is already a lost cause. If you are under twelve, then I'm am in fact very sorry I ruined your childhood.
  The point is I am not perfect like the above Ms Deschanel. In fact, last week in art class nothing worked out to well. I've heard some rumors that children still liked it, but I did not. I was very upset with myself. If I were an art student, I would be disappointed with my teacher. In fact I sort of wanted to curl up in a ball and watch television for the rest of my teaching commitment.
  What could have went to wrong you ask? Did a child die like in the above movie? No, that did not happen. The above movie is slightly melodramatic.
   Nothing worked out for me last week in class. I was tongue tied when describing the Byzantine Empire's effect on art. I kept describing it as shiny. I think 'shiny' was all my students really took away. Then again it is very shiny.

But really... just shiny. That was it. I blanked out. 4th and 5th graders are intimidating. Don't you forget that. I tried to tell everyone that the Byzantine Empire was an empire of 'Gold, and God.' I even had everyone write that in their commonplace books. I told them all it was a sea port town which made tons of gold from trading. I told them it was the Eastern half of the Roman Empire. I told them it was a united empire under a singular, state religion of Christianity. Gold and God. But all everyone took away was shiny. Because that was all I kept saying. And all they kept saying. 

  Then we moved on to the craft. Which was all glue orientated.

Don't be fooled by its exterior. It is a terrorist.

 I was so happy with the glue before hand, because there was troughs of it in the art supplies closet. However, no one cared to point out to me that it was Nazi glue that refused to dry. So everyone got sent home with wet glue and shiny, gold paint in dixie cups. Not my finest moment. 

  I'm not sure anyone learned anything last class. Except maybe me. I learned that I am not infallible and that some glue is evil. Perhaps that's a big enough lesson to be proud of learning...